


Just don't hate me

by purplefox



Series: Even if the world hates you [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-20
Updated: 2016-05-14
Packaged: 2018-05-28 00:54:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6307390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplefox/pseuds/purplefox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Naruto in the thick of war trying to make Kakashi see that they are okay. That what they are doing is not wrong, but it is hard to do that with Kakashi fleeing</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Guilt

**Author's Note:**

> This continues after the drabble Love whoever you please. Naruto's about 16. I don't think this fic is going to be long but...well you guys have to know me by now I'm hoping for no more than four chapters and if I have to bump up the ratings I'll warn you guys. Anyway this is more a 'break' fic for me as I work on it to clear my head and relax when the other huuuge fic gets on my nerves.
> 
> So I hope you guys enjoy this.

It should have been simple. Hell, he had thought that after everything that had happened that this would at least be easy but like everything in his life it just had to be difficult. He never caught a break. In life or in love.

Hell, who was he to give lectures? Who was he to scold about guilt when he… when he was fighting his own? But it hurt so much.

They had been fine. Everything had been going to hell. Gone to hell but the two of them had been okay. Or at least he thought they had been.

Naruto sighed as Kyuubi mode faded and he was no longer able to sense everyone. He was not supposed to be on patrol but after the talk he had… going back had not been an option and since he was unable to run away, he could at least run.

X

He had not expected it. Well to be fair, when it came to Naruto a good ninety percent of the things the boy did were unexpected. He thought he knew the boy fairly well. They had grown closer during the recent events.

Training. The war. The mutual losses. He had listened and held Naruto up, had his back through these things. He had thought the one who knew Naruto the best would have been him. Yet Sakura’s unsurprised face, the way that Tenzo had looked at him as if he were a blind idiot.

It had shaken him.

For Naruto to say things like that? To do something like that? Kakashi’s hand shook as he raised it to his lips. It had been unexpected. It had been something strange something he still was not used to. He would never get used to something like that.

It had come out of nowhere. He really had not seen it coming but he had wanted it. How could he have wanted that? Not because Naruto was a man. Never because of that but Naruto had been his student.

It was hard not to feel guilty. He had avoided Naruto after the slip but the camp was only so big and sadly the blonde had caught on. The look that had flickered across Naruto’s face when Kakashi had started to make his excuses had made him feel even worse.

And of course they had been noticeable. But for Obito to be the one to pull him over and scold him. Kakashi sighed heavily. He was almost fine with what had happened.

He leaned against the tree at the edge of camp. Not a natural tree. It seemed Madara still had plenty of Zetsus around. It was tiring getting rid of them but it was what they had to do.

A pale figure appeared ahead. From the direction of the river. Kakashi watched as Sasuke came into view. Sasuke looked startled when he saw him and Kakashi could not blame him.

He scented the scent of soap and river on Sasuke and as the boy approached he rose an eyebrow. “I know things are quiet but they can’t be that quiet Sasuke.”

“I just needed.” Sasuke shrugged. “Some time away.” The wind blew then and on the towel Sasuke carried Kakashi caught a familiar scent.

“You’re alone.” He said softly. He glanced behind Sasuke as if that would cause Naruto to appear. “Where’s Naruto?”

“He…” Sasuke looked him over before he laughed. “He had somewhere else to be. I’m surprised you’re out here Kakashi.”

“Best to keep guard.” He shrugged. “Naruto?”

“Who knows. The camp is a big place.” Sasuke shrugged. “And I thought you didn’t want to see him.”

“When did I say that?”

“Well you certainly are acting like it.” Sasuke looked him over and irritation flashed in the boy’s eyes. “It’s not my business but you’re being an ass.”

“You certainly are right that it isn’t your business.” Kakashi pointed out.

“There’s nothing wrong with it.” Sasuke hissed. “I don’t get it. Are you still.” His face twisted in confusion. “Feeling guilty?”

“I don’t have to explain myself to you.” Kakashi pointed out.

“You really think you have it that bad?” Sasuke asked. “We’re in hell.” He stressed. “Anything can happen at any time. I don’t have to remind you what we’re risking right now. What we’re planning to attempt.”

“I’m well aware.” Kakashi said softly. “Look, Sasuke…”

“He’s my friend.” Sasuke said softly. “He understands me better than anyone else alive.” His eyes flashed red. “I don’t care about what guilt you might have. Naruto means everything to me.” He hissed. “Don’t break him.”

Kakashi was unable to say anything as Sasuke walked past him to the camp.

X

“How many do we need?” Kakashi stilled at the sound of Naruto’s voice.

“Lots.” Orochimaru’s voice was distracted. “For the time being… get me three.”

“That many?” Naruto yelped.

“It’s not the old jutsu you’re familiar with Naruto.” Kakashi heard Tsunade’s voice. “We’re doing layers so we need more.”

“I’m not going to pretend to understand.” Naruto said warily. “But how far is three going to get us?”

“Hopefully one.” Orochimaru replied and Naruto groaned.

“Fine.”

It was a cowardly thing to do but Kakashi still fled before Naruto could flee the tent and he could see him face to face.

X

Food was scarce. Water was scarce. The war had to end before Madara picked them off because of starvation and worse. Kakashi sighed as he carefully mapped the new water source he had found. The camp would be moving soon.

He glanced up in time to see something orange disappear from the corner of his eye. His breath caught and he looked at the ridge that the flash of orange had disappeared.

It could be many things, but he just knew what it was. Part of him wanted to go up there. Like he would have. Tease the person after making them confess what they were doing before he pretended to be sad over the lack of trust.

Of course that would have happened. But now Kakashi had the memory of soft golden hair under his hands. The sight of dazed blue eyes and soft wet lips. He could remember the feeling of muscle under his fingers and the shuddering body trapped by him and the gasps Naruto made as he rode his knee.

He could still recall that. Still feel that and because he knew he should not. That he should not have done it, he remained where he was. Like a coward.

X

Had he ruined everything? He was not ashamed of what he felt. He had not been lying to Sasuke. There was nothing wrong with loving. Loving someone was pure. When the feelings were returned-

Well. It was not as if he knew what it felt like for those feelings to be returned did he.

Naruto turned away from where Kakashi down below was scribbling on a scroll. He had sensed the river in sage mode and quickly sensed Kakashi. He had just wanted a glimpse of the man that held his heart. Because he knew that currently he would get nothing else.

But he was going to stop playing the coward. Just not today. Right now he would have his hopes and his dreams. Tomorrow would be reality.


	2. More Pain

But it was okay. Love was not a sin. Naruto loved him. Loved him so much it felt as if his heart would burst just from seeing Kakashi. But the last thing Kakashi felt was the same, Naruto knew that but it still hurt.

It had grown so slowly, like it should and after everything how could he be expected to abandon such a feeling? His feelings were his own. They did not have to be requited although he wanted it to be. The last thing he wanted to do was force Kakashi into anything.

It was against everything he stood for. But for that split second. For those moments… Kakashi had kissed him back with the force of a river and how could he be expected to act as if that had never happened?

How could he go on as if it had never happened when the reason he was being denied was something so simple and almost silly? Who was there to judge? This war was almost the one for the end to days. They were supposed to grab onto everything that they could now because simply they might not get anything back.

X

Meditation was more than a way to enter sage mode for him now. Now he used it more and more often just to relax and settle himself. The breathing, the concentration. It was honestly his hobby and it did have its perks.

Naruto was cutting down the time to enter sennin mode by a lot. Before it would take a few minutes. Now it was a minute and sooner or later he would have it down to less. Like the First Hokage.

Actually there were plenty of things that the First Hokage had done that Naruto wanted to do. The Wood style release was sadly out of reach. He had annoyed Obito about it until the man had gotten sick of his nagging and warped him away for half a day. Only coming back after Naruto had remained silent for more than an hour.

But Naruto was always looking to up his skills. Before it had been because he was interested. Now it was because it was another step towards survival.

Neji and Tenten had descended on him early enough and forced him into a training routine that was almost scary. He was confident in his taijutsu after all but the precision those two had… it was mind boggling. Not to mention how the two had blended jutsu with taijutsu.

Which was when Naruto had realized why it was those two teaching him and not Bushier brows-sensei.

He had never been one to go beyond what he had to in a fight. He used kunais and traps and taijutsu but Tenten brought sealed scrolls and weapons. Neji brought his clan’s jutsu and more than a few surprises so Naruto had trained and adapted.

Hand seals were bothersome. He guessed he would never really grow to like them but his Dad had looked cool and Naruto knew he had a lot to look up to so he had caved and started learning… because a lot of the necessary seal things he wanted to do involved seals.

And just because he was bad at it did not mean he had to stay bad at it. Like the clone jutsu. Formerly his worst jutsu. Now supposed to be his best.

X

“They were using them as bait Sakura-chan.” Kakashi froze in the middle of his walk his head turning to the direction he heard Naruto’s voice. Things had been rough lately and he had barely seen the blonde. “I know things are thin but I can’t just leave them.”

“The others?” Sakura asked and the tent fell silent. Outside Kakashi waited for Naruto’s response. He had been aware Naruto had gone on a patrol but not the results.

“Just toying with them.” Naruto sighed. “But the good thing is they are Mei’s people so…”

“It works out huh.” Sakura sighed. “When Tsunade-sama finishes looking them over I’ll see if I can get Lee take care of them for a while.”

“Yeah.” Naruto exhaled nosily. “Wait… Sakura-chan.” His tone became gleeful. “What’s that?”

“What’s what?” Sakura asked before she gasped nosily. “Idiot! Where are you grabbing?”

“Is that a hickey?” Naruto demanded and Kakashi froze. “It is! It certainly is!” He crowed.

“Shut up!”

“Who?” Naruto laughed. “You’ve got to tell me.”

“Hell no!”

“But I won’t tell anybody!”

“Damn right because it’s not any of your business!”

“Ehhh not fair.” Naruto groaned. “Why won’t you tell me?”

“Because it isn’t serious!” Sakura hissed.

“Sakura.” Naruto’s tone had changed becoming wary. “Look at that. It’s a hickey. A mark of possession… it is serious even if you don’t think so.”

“Trust me it isn’t.” Sakura said dryly.

“Is it one of us?”

“What?” Sakura sounded disturbed. “No!”

“Oh.”

“What?”

“Thin sword… brown hair….”

“Shut. Up.” Sakura hissed.

“I’m right aren’t I?” Naruto sounded delighted.

“Just go away.” Sakura groaned. “This isn’t the time for this.”

“Yeah I know.” Naruto mused. “But you, you look happy. That’s all that matters.”

“Naruto.” Sakura’s voice softened. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” Naruto sounded confused. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Just Obito-san said.”

“I’ll just stop you there.” Naruto sighed. “I’m not a pinning mess Sakura-chan I’m fine.”

Kakashi’s shoulder’s lowered miserably because from what he could hear Naruto did not sound fine and that was his fault. But he could not do anything for that. Because for him to touch-

So wrong. So very very wrong

But Naruto was right there. A few steps away. And Kakashi did not have the guts to face him. He took a careful breath before he gathered enough chakra to disperse.

X

 

Naruto was a little jealous of Sasuke. Even though he knew Sasuke had it far worse. Even if he did, Naruto still envied that Sasuke loved someone who loved him back and freely admitted it even if it ended in a tragic mess.

He was jealous of that and felt awful for it. Because Naruto was alive. Kakashi was alive but the man Sasuke loved with every fibre of his being was not. It was stupid to be jealous of that.

Because Naruto knew every love did not have a good ending. He knew that. But with the world in such a mess… he just wanted something for himself as selfish as that sounded. He wanted what the kiss had promised.

He craved that but he could not bear putting Kakashi in any more pain.

X

How awkward. Naruto froze on the river bank and stared at Kakashi just as the man stared at him. Naruto had thought no one would come so he had decided to risk a quick bath. The water was certainly cool enough and with the way Kakashi managed to avoid him Naruto thought it would be the last place to look for the man.

With anyone else well Naruto had never been a shy child anyway and with the creation of the sexy jutsu… and the reverse harem jutsu… well his modesty had honestly fled long before. Especially on the trip with Ero-sennin.

But the way Kakashi stood watching him. It sent chills up his spine but the good ones. Made goosebumps break out and heat coil in his stomach. The good kind. Because the way Kakashi was looking at him… it made him think all kinds of things.

Good things. Like how Kakashi tasted and how he felt pressed against Naruto and god the cold water was not doing much for him.

Kakashi’s eyes were roving over him and Naruto wanted to whimper at the heated glance because, it was hungry and possessive and needy and everything that he wanted that he was denied. How was thing wrong? How could this be a bad thing when they both needed and cared?

Naruto took a small step forward the water moving around him and Kakashi’s head snapped up as if a spell had been broken. Naruto watched guilt and panic flash across Kakashi’s face before he gave into the inevitable. He saw regret flash across Kakashi’s face as well but he did nothing as the man turned away and vanished into the night.

He sank to his knees in the water and felt his eyes itch with unshed tears.

 

 

 

 

 


	3. To concede if only slightly

Some things they just should never be done. He believed that. He knew that yet… and yet…it was so difficult to go from knowing to acknowledging and that made him feel horrible. Naruto was so bright. So sunny and Kakashi had resolved himself to seeing Naruto through to his dream.

Even with the world in chaos as it currently was.

But the state of the world was not Naruto’s fault. Or even Naruto’s generation fault. It was all on them. His generation and the generations before. The darkness clung to them had they had unknowingly spread the despair and darkness on.

They all had issues and hardships but they had all dreamed of the brighter future and the day they could proudly hand over the reins to the next generation. That had always been their dream. Especially in Konoha.

But he had never dreamed of this. He had not thought he would be in this position. Because when he had thought about team and dynamics and relationships the only thing he had known was his team. The good. The bad and the heart-breaking and he had been so sure he could do something about that.

He had taken so much from his experiences. He knew how people worked. He was well aware but he had allowed himself to dream.

And it had never once included that. He had heard whispers of course. Little things. Especially after Naruto had been returned to Kakashi and Team Seven.

He had heard and had brushed it away. But this was now and the days were so uncertain and of all the things to not be able to move past…why was it this?

X

If he was honest with himself. He could accept that he felt desire for Naruto but that would open doors he was not ready for. That he was scared to go through or even look at. So those thoughts had to go.

He had devoured Naruto with his eyes and he had wanted to lick away every drop of water from Naruto’s skin. He wanted to pull Naruto from the water, stretch him out on the riverbank and do so many things until Naruto’s fingers dug into Kakashi’s shoulders and the sound of Kakashi’s name echoed the area.

And the most terrifying thing about that was that not only would Naruto have let him. Naruto wanted it too. Just as much. Or maybe more than Kakashi did. He could have stepped forward and claimed.

And lost just as much. It was wrong…wasn’t it?

He looked at the evidence that covered his hand. The evidence of his weakness and his desire and clenched his hand in despair.

X

No matter how much it sucked. He refused to change. It felt as if his heart was being clawed out his chest but he would continue on. Naruto finished his report and tried to remain normal. As it was everyone was distracted and not paying him much mind.

They would have to move the camp again soon. To somewhere with less life according to Orochimaru and he sounded bitter about that. The last almost attack would have caught them unawares if Naruto had not been meditating in Kyuubi chakra mode.

He had a crazy idea for a combination attack and since he really had nothing better to do and was being a coward as well…there was no time like the present to play with some crazy new jutsus.

“Maybe we should poison the ground.” Obito muttered. “Stop Zetsu from trying to sneak up on us.”

“There can’t be that many left.” Orochimaru protested. “That’s a last resort.”

“There has to be another way. Maybe more sensors?” Shikamaru frowned.

“Round the clock surveillance.” Sasuke said slowly. “Those left who are good sensor shinobi.”

“We’ve got the best right there.” Sakura sighed as she waved in Naruto’s direction “But that does make a good second resort. Naruto can’t be in that mode all the time. Think of Kurama-kun.”

“Don’t worry we have a plan to deal with the entire run out of chakra thing.” Shikamaru spoke up. “We just need to do a bit of kidnapping.”

“And murder.” Obito said dryly. “Or does that not count?”

“No, we would kill them anyway.” Kakashi-sensei said softly. “So we have to send a message to the other camps.”

“If we didn’t need to split our focus we could do a frontal charge.” Tsunade baa-chan sighed. “Naruto!” He snapped to attention and ignored the grins around him at his action. “You will not fail this mission!”

He knew that. He met her eyes and smiled. “Yes ma’am!”

X

The best plan was to lay in wait. So they would go and he would provide the cover. Naruto watched as the tents went down with efficiency and speed. He saw a flicker of silver from the corner of his eye and he turned to see Kakashi with his pack on his back watching him.

Naruto could still feel the bitterness from Kakashi walking away so he turned back around.

“Naruto.” Kakashi said softly and Naruto tried to not react. To not turn around. “Be safe.” The older man whispered. Naruto felt tears form as he kept his back to his sensei.

“I always am. I’ve got my friends with me.” He said softly.

X

He was sad but not in a bad way. It was painful but not painful to the extent that he wanted to give up or even die. He was not reckless. And if anything he had that kiss. Naruto touched his lips once in comfort to himself before he took a deep breath.

They were coming. They were coming and they would not be gentle.

Which was actually sort of good. He did not want gentle. He wanted a fight. His mission was in mind. This was for the future.

He felt the first disturbance. The dark malice. The hatred. Zetsu.

X

“You shouldn’t have.” Orochimaru purred as his arm stretched and he wrapped Naruto’s prisoners in snakes. “Perfect Naruto-kun.”

“You got so many. And they are hardly damaged.” Kabuto muttered as he glanced over Naruto. “Your development is marvellous as always.”

“Flattery doesn’t work on me.” Naruto snickered. “And is it rude to say this place looks like hell?”

“Considering what happened here in the past it is fitting.” Sakura spoke up.

“Don’t tell me Madara fought the Shodaime here too.” Naruto muttered. His gaze met Kakashi’s and he held his breath but Naruto’s eye flickered with an emotion too quick to catch before he moved on.

“Not exactly.” Shikamaru spoke up. Kakashi twitched when Obito jammed his elbow into his side.

“What.” He muttered.

“You’re an ass.” Obito hissed.

“I’m aware of what you think of me.” Kakashi breathed out.

“I keep telling you that of all the bad things done so far… that isn’t it. We’re in a war.” Obito breathed. “If you guys can forgive and accept me of all people…”

“That is something different to this.” Kakashi hissed as he watched as Kabuto joined Shikamaru in the explanation for the site they had chosen.

“If it was me I wouldn’t be here moping like an ass.” Obito hissed. “We lost two today. Two more shinobi. The message came in earlier. I don’t have to tell you how bad things are; you were always the genius.”

“It happened.” Kakashi hissed. “That is what you want to hear?”

“I want to hear why you’re holding him at an arm’s length. Don’t tell me you suddenly give a fuck what people think.” Obito muttered.

Kakashi flinched as he continued to watch Naruto.

X

“I’m changing. You might want to go back outside.” Naruto said coolly. Kakashi swallowed and shoved his hands in his pockets as Naruto backed him. A moment of silence passed. “Fine then.” Naruto muttered before he pulled the shirt off his head the mesh vest quickly followed and Kakashi was treated to the sight of Naruto’s unblemished back. “So?” Naruto asked as he pulled on a new shirt.

“You’re the one that said you wanted to talk.” Kakashi said softly.

“You’re also the one that ran away from me at every opportunity afterwards.” Naruto’s face softened. “It’s okay. I keep telling you this. This is fine.” Kakashi twitched involuntarily when Naruto stepped forward.

“I was-“ Kakashi broke off. “Your father was my teacher. I was your teacher.”

“That sort of thing doesn’t matter now.” Naruto said softly. “Sensei, Master, Senpai. Whoever you love, it is not a sin. No matter who they are. If you love someone. That is pure no matter who they are.”

“How can you say that?” Kakashi demanded. He felt so cold inside.

“Because I love _you_.”


	4. Almost fine

“No pressure.” Naruto said softly and Kakashi stared at him. After saying such a thing. How could Naruto be so calm? “No pressure.” Naruto repeated. “No expectations. Just an answer. Me being honest.” His face twisted into an expression of sadness. “Since you want that.”

“I-“ Kakashi paused his tongue heavy in his mouth.

Naruto closed his eyes and the sadness of his face deepened. “You can go if you want.” He said softly. “I understand. “I really do.”

“It’s not just that thing.” Kakashi fumbled. “I- I have a hard time-“

“Adjusting to people?” Naruto laughed. “I already know that. But if you say you aren’t attracted to me I’ll have to call you out as a liar.” Kakashi met Naruto’s eyes and lightly shivered as he recalled the moment and the kiss that had sent him into hiding. “Yeah.” Naruto said softly. “At least you are willing to admit it this time.”

Kakashi flinched as he recalled his reaction the last time. The guilt had hit him so hard. Obito had been right. He had been going off the rails. And it had taken time but as a one off incident it could be tolerated. An accident. A mistake. Except it no longer felt like one and the longer he was with Naruto the more he wanted to repeat it.

“I don’t really care for what others say.” Kakashi said slowly. “But there are people close to me. I care about what they think and what they feel in certain matters. How they accept me. How they look at me, I find that precious and I don’t want that to change.”

“I understand that.” Naruto said softly. “It is what makes you Kakashi-sensei after all.”

“I dream about what the afterlife must be like.” Kakashi mused. “Beyond that talk I had with my Father. Would I have seen you parents? Obito? I know now that I’ll see Rin.” He said softly. “I don’t want to let them down any further. My being selfish. My past selfishness caused plenty of problems.”

“So being with me would make you selfish?”

“Ignoring everything else and being with you the way I currently want to, that would make me selfish.” Kakashi admitted. “It ignored everything around us. It removes all obstacles and would be just us too. In a time when we can’t afford that.”

“That isn’t the only reason.” Naruto said softly.

Kakashi swallowed. “You could do so much better.” He whispered. “I’m a shinobi that has reached the end of the line. A washed up shinobi.” He shook his head when Naruto opened his mouth. “Or I’m as close to washed up as possible.”

“I’ve said this before; I’ll say it again. Kakashi-sensei, you’re like me.” Naruto breathed. “We are alike. You may think you’re washed up. I say you’ve endured. Like we do. As shinobi do. I can’t do any better.” He cleared his throat. “If you say you’re washed up. an end of the line shinobi, then I’m one too.”

“You’re nothing like me.” Kakashi hissed. “You’re.” His words choked him. “You’re amazing. Light in this world. A shining light that we need.”

“We need you too.” Naruto said softly. “We need you just as much or more than we need me.”

“No we don’t.” Kakashi insisted. “We need shinobi like you. The next generation needs shinobi like you and ones less like me because we are what caused the problems in the first place.” He saw Naruto start to open his mouth and gently shook his head. “Not saying you won’t make mistakes as well but it will be different to the mistakes shinobi like myself have made and honestly shinobi like yourself makes things so much easier.” Kakashi said softly. “For someone like me to interfere with that isn’t right.”

“Even if I want it?” Naruto asked softly. “Even if both of us deserve something like this?”

“You deserve something better.” Kakashi pointed out.

“I’m like you. You’re like me. Where it really matters.” Naruto jerked his hand so he was pointing at himself. At his heart. “Right here, we are the same and that is what really counts.”

“Naruto…” Kakashi trailed off because the longer he stood there listening the more he wanted to give in even when he knew how bad the idea was.

“We kissed.” Naruto said firmly. “The best kiss of my entire life. Not that I had any experience but the way you made me feel? I read you Kakashi. I don’t know if you read me in that moment but I had felt you. It was like nothing I ever felt before. In that moment I woke up.” Naruto’s voice shook. “There could never be anything wrong with what we did.”

“I was your…” Kakashi stopped himself with a deep sigh. “Even if we wipe away the fact that I was your sensei, your guardian I’m still… the age gap is still big enough that others-“

“Don’t really care.” Naruto cut him off. “The people you’re thinking about. The people who matter don’t care.” Naruto insisted. “Yamato-taicho doesn’t care. Sakura-chan doesn’t care. Tsunade baa-chan doesn’t care either and Sasuke is only upset because he doesn’t want me unhappy.” Naruto’s mouth curled up in a half smile. “There is a small pile of people that we really care about and they honestly don’t care that I love you.”

“I-“ Kakashi hesitated. “I just can’t.” He stressed. “There’s more to this than just-“

“What upsets you more?” Naruto asked softly. “This? Or me?”

“I’m going to be honest.” Kakashi said softly. “It isn’t that I don’t want you.” He whispered. Naruto’s knowing look made him sigh. “It’s just that this is so unexpected, so strange because this… if it had not been for back then…”

“It would have happened a different way.” Naruto said softly. “But from that I knew for certain how you felt.” His mood dimmed visibly. “Even if you ran from me afterwards. Even if you walked around thinking it was all you fault and that you shouldn’t be forgiven. That you had betrayed everything you had worked for and believed in just by kissing me.”

That was exactly what had happened. Kakashi had felt so guilty. His lack of self-control had shamed him. The need that had taken him over had hurt him afterwards and he had cursed himself and his hands that had craved Naruto. Cursed his body that had craved Naruto. He had slipped up and cursed himself but he was the only one doing so.

“I know what you think about me.” Naruto said softly. “Your eyes say it all. I’m the bright light to you. I already knew this. I’m an existence you want to protect. Except that things have changed. I’m right beside you now. And I’m like you. And I love you.”

“And you’re fine like that.”

“And I’m good like this.” Naruto shrugged. “I don’t want to lose my friend because of this. Part of me wants more of what we did before. I don’t see anything wrong with it and for those few moments you felt the same. Things are so strained right now. I don’t need to be Shikamaru to know that Tsunade baa-chan and Orochimaru are grasping at straws. We lose people everyday either to the enemy or to nature. I might be next.” Naruto said softly. “So I’m going to live to the best of my ability and live up to everything we stand for.”

He stepped forward then. A slow step towards to Kakashi his eyes calm. Clear. Determined and Kakashi’s breath caught in his throat.

“I’m not going to deny the few good things I have left. My friendships. My feelings for you. Because there is nothing wrong with those things. My beliefs, I’ll keep them. I won’t go back on my feelings. Everything that makes me Naruto… everything I am… I’m just so glad I have you. I love you. I loved you and that feeling… there is nothing wrong with that.” Naruto whispered.

“Not everything I feel is…” Kakashi trailed off. Naruto seemed old and young at the same time. He was having a hard time thinking of the feelings he held currently as ‘pure’ or even as ‘okay’ because what they had done was anything but pure. The thoughts that ran through his head. They certainly were not okay either. “My intentions…” Kakashi cleared his throat. “Naruto…”

“I know.” Naruto answered softly. “But putting aside of exactly what you want to do to me.” His lips curled up into another smile. “Hopefully we will get back to that. Think about how you feel about me. Not about what I am to you.” Naruto’s huffed then. “Because I’m more than one thing to you now. Have been for a long time.”

Student. Friend. Future boss. The person that he wanted to see shine… the person he so badly wanted to see smile, always.

“We are okay. This is okay.” Naruto said softly. “We’re fine. This is fine.”

Kakashi took a step forward. His knees almost resisted the effort but he kept his eyes on Naruto’s own and ignored the fear in his gut. Instead he did as he had so many times and trusted Naruto. “Is this something you can approve of?” He asked softly.

“It’s something I’d proclaim to everyone everywhere if I could.” He answered.

“Even with who I am?” Kakashi prodded.

“Because of who _we_ are.” Naruto breathed.


	5. Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought I would never get to finish this ^_^

What the hell. Why was he still fighting this? Why was he running head first into the wall that was Naruto over and over again? Naruto was the village’s number one stubborn ninja. Knuckleheaded. Loud. Flashy. Determined. There was no sense in trying to convince Naruto differently. Kakashi knew this. He had accepted this so long before yet he had let fear try to change his mind.

Just what the hell had he been thinking.

He his thoughts allowed him to forget what he already knew? Naruto could not be moved, just tilted. It took work and careful manipulation to bring him around and sometimes even that did not work. Kakashi had accepted that a long time ago, and he had been happy about it.

Naruto loved him. Not only was it rude to act as though Naruto did not know what he felt… no words Kakashi could say would sway Naruto. Because that was the type of guy Naruto was. He even respected some of his opponents.

Kakashi sighed. A slow exhale of breath. It felt rejuvenating and somehow it felt as though deep inside him a switch had been flipped. His thoughts were clearer.

“You’re crazy you know.” He mused only to get a scoff from Naruto.

“I’d agree with you but I want to know how I’m crazy first.” Naruto asked slowly. A smile was being teased on the corner of his face.

“Because you love me.” Kakashi said softly. “And you’re knuckleheaded and stubborn enough that you won’t listen to a word I say.”

“That doesn’t sound crazy. It sounds honest.” Naruto reached for him his hands resting on Kakashi’s shoulders and he swore he could feel the heat of Naruto’s palms through his Jounin jacket. There was a beat of silence.

“Naruto…” He stopped when he heard the tone of his own voice. Just a touch and he had been ready to go with the flow. When they had to talk this out.

“Nothing is wrong with this.” Naruto’s hands shifted. Kakashi froze thinking they were going to travel somewhere. Maybe up to his mask but they just pressed his shoulder’s firmly before they slid away. Kakashi gave himself a second to miss the hand’s presence.

“I shouldn’t argue with the village’s most surprising ninja should I.” He asked softly.

“Of course not.” Naruto chuckled. He leaned forward so their foreheads pressed together. Kakashi felt his body flare awake but he fought his reaction to do anything. Instead he stared into Naruto’s eyes. Except for the second he allowed himself to let his gaze dip down to Naruto’s lips.

“I won’t deny wanting this.” Kakashi breathed.

“Good.” Naruto breathed back. “This might sound weird but let’s not push you too fast. You know you want this. You know it is okay to want this.” Naruto pulled back slowly. “That’s good for now.” Naruto’s eyes flashed and Kakashi sighed at the boy’s attempt to lie. It had certainly not gotten any better.

“One more time. Like last time.” Kakashi whispered before he caught himself. He took a step away but Naruto had already tugged him forward. There were so many ways he could have slipped away. So many chances but he watched them all slip away as his covered lips met Naruto’s. part of him damned the cloth as his eyes squeezed shut but another part of him was grateful because the kiss was amazing and if it were any better… he might not have the strength to pull away.

X

His heart was heavy in his chest and even though he had said those things and had so many hopes for Kakashi. The fact remained that he was kissing the man and holding onto him as if this kiss would be their last.

Because honestly. Naruto did not want to let go but anything could happen. He had been ignored before. He had been abandoned before. This was something so special and the simple fact was that he might not get to have it to himself ever again.

So he might as well stock up while he could.

And he hated that part of himself. Or just… disliked it greatly. The part of him that needed to hoard every moment because the pain would come soon and he knew it. Good times rarely came for a Jinchuuriki. It sucked that he still thought like this. It sucked that there was so much doubt in him. So much doubt tainting his thoughts.

When he should be only thinking about the good stuff. Like things like this.

X

“We still have to test it out.” Orochimaru muttered. Naruto sneaked a glance in Kakashi’s direction and smiled when the man looked back. “We know that it should work in theory.”

“It’s whether or not it will and who we will risk that is the problem.” Tsunade baa-chan said grimly. “We know those we want to bring. However if we miscalculate… we will have a problem on our hands and we will have to get even more.”

“I thought you said that what we got would be enough!” Naruto protested. He had worked hard to capture those.

“For one.” Sakura said softly. The room fell silent as they all looked away from each other.

“I’ll get more.” Naruto promised. “An army if I have to.”

“Don’t push yourself.” Shikamaru hissed. “We don’t know what the results of one will do. The question is who to risk.”

“I vote for Jiraiya.” Orochimaru spoke up. Naruto’s head came up fast and he blinked at the Sannin who was examining the wall of the tent not meeting any of their gazes. “That oaf could come back broken and it would still work. The others are far more valuable to risk.”

“Orochi.” Tsunade baa-chan groaned. “Don’t play like that. We need Jiraiya too. In good working order.”

“I have my hands. He’ll come back good enough. He only need his fool head and fool concentration.” Orochimaru pointed out. “He should be the test subject.”

“I can’t believe I’m considering this.” Tsunade baa-chan groaned.

X

“Orochimaru.” Naruto said softly as he entered the small space. Kabuto and Orochimaru turned around from their places at the table to look at him curiously.

“Naruto-kun.” Orochimaru mused. “This is unusual. A little…” He lowered his scroll. “Entertaining.”

“I want to talk to you about something.” Naruto continued. “About the jutsu.”

“Second thoughts?” Kabuto sighed. “Maybe we should hold off until we can lower the amount of sacrifices.”

“No it is not about that.” Naruto said softly. “I know you want to bring back Ero-sennin first. I have a request.”

“Oh?” Orochimaru looked delighted. “Tell me.”

X

“This is okay right?” Naruto nodded as Kakashi held his face between his hands. Kakashi pressed a quick kiss to his lips before a groan was torn out of him and he crushed Naruto to him sealing their lips together. His knees trembled at first as his heart leapt but instead his hands left his sides so he could grab onto Kakashi’s shoulders. A tears made its way down his cheek slowly.

It was so good. Kakashi had stopped fighting and Naruto had been allowed close again. He had missed this. It was more than kisses. It was the closeness. The way they touched and relied on each other before. He had it back again. He did not want to lose it. He never wanted to lose it again.

The war had to end. No matter the cost. But he had not forgotten his friend. He had not forgotten anything.

Kakashi pulled away slowly and Naruto’s heart sped up at the lazy look the man wore. At Kakashi’s slow smile Naruto felt his heart melt in his chest.

“It’s soon time.” Kakashi said softly. “May I ask what you are going to do now?”

“Sensei.” Naruto said softly and he felt so damn happy to see the word not make Kakashi flinch away. “You know how I work already.”

“I sure do.” Kakashi whispered before he tugged Naruto forward again. Naruto had a moment to smile before he tilted his head and Kakashi’s lips met his.

X

“Nice.” Obito commented as Naruto entered the room.

“Shush.” Naruto snorted before he winked at the man. “We ready?”

“I have everything prepared.” Orochimaru muttered. He backed them his hands moving as he drew the seals. “Let’s hope I have enough chakra to do this in one go.”

“You will.” Naruto promised. “I’m here.” He took a step towards Orochimaru but was stopped by a hard arm grabbing his elbow. “Sasuke.” He said softly as Sasuke jerked him around.

“Must you keep interfering?” Sasuke’s tone was level but Naruto was able to look beyond and see the nervousness. “Worry about yourself for a change.”

“I can do both.” Naruto grinned. “And I’m fine.” At Sasuke’s look he huffed. “I promise. It is fine now.”

“So you two…”

“It’s something. No it is everything.” He said softly. “No more running.”

X

He had felt so much guilt in the beginning. Felt as though he had tainted Naruto. Tainted the times they had spent together. he had never wanted to lose that. The days they had before. The laughter. The tears. Their friendship.

He had not seen when the friendship had become more for the both of them. When appreciating had become longing. When friendship became love. It was sad, the next generation really were better.

Naruto had such clear eyes and he really was strong with his convictions. Kakashi did not hate that. He never had. He might feel a little bit of guilt still. He might still have some doubts. If only because he was set in his ways and it was part of his nature.

But this was what he wanted. There was no persecution for it.

“The good news… I found out where we went wrong.” Orochimaru gritted as he struggled to stay where he stood his hands clasped together. before him the monsters Naruto had brought back struggled in pain.

“This is a huge chakra drain!” Naruto yelped as he stood his hands pressed to Orochimaru’s back. “Like a lot!”

They had all suffered. Lost. But they had gotten right back up and Naruto had changed things. Kakashi had resolved a long time ago to staying with Naruto even before his feelings had become like this.

He took a step forward and then another and another until he was right next to Naruto. He pressed his hands to Naruto’s wrists and concentrated sharing his chakra. Naruto sent him a startled glance but Kakashi simply smiled back. “Let’s work together from now on.”

“Won’t hear me say no to that.” Naruto laughed and his eyes changed a darker happier blue.

“Almost done.” Orochimaru gritted and Kakashi bit his lip at the tug of his chakra. The air suddenly still and Kakashi got a moment to catch his breath before a shockwave knocked him and Naruto off their feet. He moved to break Naruto’s fall and ended up on his side with Naruto on top of him. Naruto’s relieved glance made him smile.

“Nii-san.”

Yes. It certainly looked as if it had worked but he still looked up and around to see. He and Naruto would be okay. They were equals and from this point they would move forward together. Naruto sighed in relief as he spotted the man standing where Madara’s experiments had been a few moments ago before he buried his head in Kakashi’s neck. Kakashi patted him on the head as he considered their next move.


End file.
